Recently I read a blog titled "How to Miss a Childhood" (http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/) and it really hit home. I am a stay at home mom, and with very few local friends I rely on the internet to communicate with family and friends from across the country. All day long, I share posts, advice, and pictures with other moms, many of whom I have never met! I read blogs and articles about how to be the best parent I can be and trying to stay informed on the most up to date ways to keep my daughter healthy and happy.
What I never realized, until reading that blog, is the best way to keep my daughter healthy and happy is to be there. Of course I pay her oodles of attention, I am with her every hour of the day (minus the 15 or so hours I work per week) but it's the little moments that matter and I never realized how much I could be missing out. Even just a few seconds is enough to miss the little pitter patter of feet walking across the room for the first time or the dance moves your little one is trying to show you before their attention span runs out and they move on to something new.
It's not a matter of neglect or a lack of caring, it's a classic case of the modern day distraction. I know I'm not the only one, and I am certain that a large portion of stay at home moms (and even working parents) can honestly relate to this, whether they admit it or not. I'm not afraid to admit it because I want to open others' eyes to something that I am thankful to now realize.
You could be missing out...
....when your child is yelling your name and you are annoyed because you are finishing up the last two words of a text
...when your daughter is grabbing at the computer screen and you let out a sigh because you are trying to read the news
...when your son is laughing and pointing at the television, trying to show you how funny his show is and you can't pull yourself away from your game long enough to look up and laugh
...when your baby laughs but you're in the middle of a chat on Facebook and you miss out on that toothless grin
...when you hear your little one wake up from a nap, but you wait to get her until you are finished checking your emails (by which time her post-nap smiles are gone and she is wondering where the heck you are)
... when you throw a few extra bites of food in front of your toddler because your show is almost over and you don't want him screaming while you're trying to hear the television
...when you're taking picture after picture, not because you are enjoying the time with your little one, but because you want the perfect shot to share with your Facebook friends
It is those extra little moments that we miss out on because our world revolves so much around technology. Even with the best intentions- researching parenting techniques and bragging about their latest milestones- you could be missing out on the most important things: their smiles, laughs, and their appreciation for the best part of their day- You!
You don't have to admit to anyone that you can relate to this, but if you have read this far chances are you can. I challenge you from this day forward to give those moments back to the littles, because in 10 years you'll wish you could have those moments back.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Small Human Beings
The summer before my freshman year of high school, my parents met my "boyfriend" on our trip to Six Flags. He wasn't exactly their premium choice for their 13 year old daughter, or anyone for that matter, with his braided dreadlocks and tie dye "hippy shirt." Even then, we picked him up and they let me go wander around the park with him just the same as if he was their hopeful candidate for my future husband. I asked my mom that night what she thought of the boy I was so twitterpated by.. Her response? "He seems alright, if you like him then that's all that matters."
A few years later I asked her what the hell she was thinking letting me "date" him, and she informed me that she knew I would make the right decision in what was best for me, and that she and my dad didn't want to have to make those decisions for me. She wasn't exactly thrilled with my boyfriend, but after all, I was only 13 and she was right, I knew he wasn't for me and it didn't take me long to figure that out. Even now, seeing my brothers grow up (Michael will be 17 in a week, when the hell did that happen?!) I see my parents doing the same thing for them. I have often asked my parents why they let my brother hang out with the brats he does, but they know in the end he will make the best choices are for himself, and he has yet to fall into their behavior.
One thing I give my parents credit for is never treating me like I was insufficient because I was young. I was never made to feel stupid or told I was "just a kid." My parents respected me as a person, regardless of my age and never berated me for my actions or attitude (which I must admit had to have been very trying at times.) I see so many parents dictating every aspect of their child's life, making every decision for them, and treating them like they are insufficient human beings.
A big part of parenting involves preparing a child for their adult life. So many people look at parenting as trying to create the perfect child, but childhood years end quickly. Eventually it's time for the "grown up" world, where those children who have never had to make a decision, have been given infinite limits, and have never felt respect from even their parents are left obliviously stranded in the middle of a fast paced world that won't slow down to wait for them to pick up the skills and self esteem they are lacking.
There are so many parents I hear complain about their children, tell their children to shut up, and put down everything that child does. Maybe those few times I hear it won't make or break a child's future, but if those few times turn into multiple times over the course of 18+ years imagine how that child will function when they are required to be self sustaining.
You, as parents, are creating tiny humans, future adults. Are they superior to you? No, however they are not inferior either. Children are just small human beings that need guidance to learn to become larger human beings. Of course some decisions need to be made by parents. A four year old given his choice for dinner every night would eat Oreos and chicken nuggets daily, however what harm is going to be done if your four year old decides he wants to wear mismatched socks and his shirt backwards to preschool one day?
I guess the point to all my rambling is that your child becomes the adult that you teach them to be. Being a disrespectful parent, telling your child to shut up, yelling at them to the point of tears, and leaving welts on their behinds (or anywhere that happens to fall victim to your hand in the process,) will get you nothing but a disrespectful child. Making every last decision, covering every single responsibility, and leading your child hand in hand through every trial in their young life will get you nothing but a lost, dependent adult who cannot function alone.
I hope when Ayana grows up she can look back and tell me that I treated her with respect, even when she was doing something wrong, and that she appreciates the opportunities I intend to give her in making the right decisions for herself. I give my parents a lot of credit for creating independent, respectful adults and I hope with this attitude I can do the same.
A few years later I asked her what the hell she was thinking letting me "date" him, and she informed me that she knew I would make the right decision in what was best for me, and that she and my dad didn't want to have to make those decisions for me. She wasn't exactly thrilled with my boyfriend, but after all, I was only 13 and she was right, I knew he wasn't for me and it didn't take me long to figure that out. Even now, seeing my brothers grow up (Michael will be 17 in a week, when the hell did that happen?!) I see my parents doing the same thing for them. I have often asked my parents why they let my brother hang out with the brats he does, but they know in the end he will make the best choices are for himself, and he has yet to fall into their behavior.
One thing I give my parents credit for is never treating me like I was insufficient because I was young. I was never made to feel stupid or told I was "just a kid." My parents respected me as a person, regardless of my age and never berated me for my actions or attitude (which I must admit had to have been very trying at times.) I see so many parents dictating every aspect of their child's life, making every decision for them, and treating them like they are insufficient human beings.
A big part of parenting involves preparing a child for their adult life. So many people look at parenting as trying to create the perfect child, but childhood years end quickly. Eventually it's time for the "grown up" world, where those children who have never had to make a decision, have been given infinite limits, and have never felt respect from even their parents are left obliviously stranded in the middle of a fast paced world that won't slow down to wait for them to pick up the skills and self esteem they are lacking.
There are so many parents I hear complain about their children, tell their children to shut up, and put down everything that child does. Maybe those few times I hear it won't make or break a child's future, but if those few times turn into multiple times over the course of 18+ years imagine how that child will function when they are required to be self sustaining.
You, as parents, are creating tiny humans, future adults. Are they superior to you? No, however they are not inferior either. Children are just small human beings that need guidance to learn to become larger human beings. Of course some decisions need to be made by parents. A four year old given his choice for dinner every night would eat Oreos and chicken nuggets daily, however what harm is going to be done if your four year old decides he wants to wear mismatched socks and his shirt backwards to preschool one day?
I guess the point to all my rambling is that your child becomes the adult that you teach them to be. Being a disrespectful parent, telling your child to shut up, yelling at them to the point of tears, and leaving welts on their behinds (or anywhere that happens to fall victim to your hand in the process,) will get you nothing but a disrespectful child. Making every last decision, covering every single responsibility, and leading your child hand in hand through every trial in their young life will get you nothing but a lost, dependent adult who cannot function alone.
I hope when Ayana grows up she can look back and tell me that I treated her with respect, even when she was doing something wrong, and that she appreciates the opportunities I intend to give her in making the right decisions for herself. I give my parents a lot of credit for creating independent, respectful adults and I hope with this attitude I can do the same.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Fluffy Butts- My Cloth Diaper Insight
Many of you know I am not one to shove my parenting onto anyone (or at least I try not to,) so please don't take this post as a "You use DISPOSABLE diapers?!? Blasphemy!!" type of post! I have had a few people ask me about cloth diapers so I would like this to be a resource. There is SO much information it can be incredibly overwhelming, so here is a good start.
Why are there so many kinds?!?
There are six "types" of cloth diapers. Yes, that seems like a lot but you won't need all 6 (unless you become real hard core and have octuplets or something.)
Prefolds: Prefolds (and flats) are the "old fashioned" cloth diapers, the ones your grandma will think you're talking about when you mention your diapers to her! These are flat pieces of layed fabric that you fold around your baby's bum and close with a pin (or the more modern "Snappi") These need a waterproof cover to keep your baby bum dry! Examples: Econobum prefolds
Fitteds: Fitteds are essentially a modern day prefold. They look just like a disposable diaper, but can come in several different prints, colors, materials, etc and most have a snap closure. These are also not waterproof and require a cover. Example: Kissas Fitteds, Sbish, Goodmama
Covers: This is a waterproof outer layer required to keep prefolds and fitteds from soaking your baby's bum. There are 3 kinds of covers (yea, I know, I know...) The "easiest" is the PUL cover. This is a waterproof polyurethane laminate fabric that has either a velcro or snap closure. It can be reused as long as the inside wipes clean between changes. Fleece covers are shorts, pants, etc that are made of fleece which is a natural wicking material and can be worn as a waterproof layer over a fitted or prefold. Wool can also be used as a cover. Longies= wool pants, shorties= wool shorts, etc. You "lanolize" or waterproof the wool bottoms and wear them over the diaper for a leak proof seal, and this can also be reused between changes. Ex: Thirsties, Crankypants, LlamaJamas
Pockets: Pocket diapers are the same shape as a disposable diaper. The outer layer is PUL, often with a cute pattern or bright color. The inside has a pocket made of fleece, suedecloth, flannel, or other wicking material and has an opening at one or both ends. This opening is the "pocket." This allows for the insert, the absorbent part, to slide inside. The benefits of pocket diapers is ease of use and drying time. Once the diaper is stuffed, all you need to do is put it in like a disposable diaper with snaps or velcro. It comes apart so the insert can be put in the dryer, allowing drying time to be very quick. Examples" Sunbaby, Alva, Rumparooz, Bumgenius
All in One: AIO (all in one) diapers are just that. The outside is a waterproof layer, and the inside is made up of one or more absorbent materials. Essentially, this diaper is the pocket diaper without the pocket. This is incredibly easy to use, since there is no stuffing, etc and has a snap or velcro closure, but drying time is often 2+ days because the PUL cannot be put in the dryer more than a couple minutes. Examples: Bumgenius Freetime and Elemental,
All in Two: AI2 (all in two) diapers are a waterproof shell (or cover) with a snap in insert. These diapers are also very easy to use. They come apart for easy drying, and once the insert is dry it just snaps in to the diaper and is ready to go! Benefits are fast drying, and ease of use. However, these diapers are often lacking in absorbency in my experience. Example: Grovia
Inserts can be several different materials. Microfiber is super absorbent, but must be used in a pocket because it cannot go against the skin. Bamboo and Hemp are even more absorbent but do not soak as fast, so they are best used as doublers.
Diapers also come in One size (OS) or sized. OS will last from about 10-12lbs to about 35-40lbs. Sized will have a trimmer fit, but will need to be purchased as your baby grows.
So I bought some cloth diapers. Now what?!
You need to "prep" them. Prepping consists of 3-5 wash/dry cycles. This removes all the chemicals and oils from the fabric and allows it to be more absorbent. You will reach max absorbency around 8-10 washes. The very first time you wash anything with PUL (Pockets, PUL covers, AIO, and AI2s) put it in the dryer for 20 minutes on high heat. This seals the PUL around the stitching to prevent leaks. You may have to repeat this every month or two, but not more because it could delaminate the fabric.
You mean you WASH BABY POOP?!
Yep, that's right. Babies poop! I use a kitchen sprayer to spray all the undesirable goo into my toilet. I then rinse out my insert and put the dirty nappy in my wetbag (a waterproof and stink proof bag with a zipper) and wash every two days. My wash routine consists of a double cold rinse (to get all the pee and leftover poo residue out of the diapers) then a hot wash/cold rinse with cloth diaper safe detergent, and another cold rinse.
It seems like a heck of a lot of work, but I promise you it is the easiest laundry load for the day because you WILL love cloth diapers and will look forward to seeing them all clean! Inserts can go in the dryer, but anything with a layer of PUL must line dry.
The average family spends over $2,300 in diapers for one baby from birth to potty training. You can cloth diaper a baby for less than $500! This includes detergent, diapers, water and electricity to wash them, etc. That is, of course, assuming you don't get "addicted" to fluff! Even so, you will be hard pressed to find anyone who has even NEAR spent $2,000 on diapers!
I hope this gives you a good start as to what cloth diapering is all about, and don't hesitate to ask any question at all you may have! The internet is full of information, but it can be incredibly overwhelming! I'm an open book. There are also numerous cloth diaper support groups on Facebook and other networking sites.
Remember, the worst thing you can do is screw it up.. But at least you'll be saving money and putting healthy, chemical free diapers on your baby's bum!
Why are there so many kinds?!?
There are six "types" of cloth diapers. Yes, that seems like a lot but you won't need all 6 (unless you become real hard core and have octuplets or something.)
Prefolds: Prefolds (and flats) are the "old fashioned" cloth diapers, the ones your grandma will think you're talking about when you mention your diapers to her! These are flat pieces of layed fabric that you fold around your baby's bum and close with a pin (or the more modern "Snappi") These need a waterproof cover to keep your baby bum dry! Examples: Econobum prefolds
Fitteds: Fitteds are essentially a modern day prefold. They look just like a disposable diaper, but can come in several different prints, colors, materials, etc and most have a snap closure. These are also not waterproof and require a cover. Example: Kissas Fitteds, Sbish, Goodmama
Covers: This is a waterproof outer layer required to keep prefolds and fitteds from soaking your baby's bum. There are 3 kinds of covers (yea, I know, I know...) The "easiest" is the PUL cover. This is a waterproof polyurethane laminate fabric that has either a velcro or snap closure. It can be reused as long as the inside wipes clean between changes. Fleece covers are shorts, pants, etc that are made of fleece which is a natural wicking material and can be worn as a waterproof layer over a fitted or prefold. Wool can also be used as a cover. Longies= wool pants, shorties= wool shorts, etc. You "lanolize" or waterproof the wool bottoms and wear them over the diaper for a leak proof seal, and this can also be reused between changes. Ex: Thirsties, Crankypants, LlamaJamas
Pockets: Pocket diapers are the same shape as a disposable diaper. The outer layer is PUL, often with a cute pattern or bright color. The inside has a pocket made of fleece, suedecloth, flannel, or other wicking material and has an opening at one or both ends. This opening is the "pocket." This allows for the insert, the absorbent part, to slide inside. The benefits of pocket diapers is ease of use and drying time. Once the diaper is stuffed, all you need to do is put it in like a disposable diaper with snaps or velcro. It comes apart so the insert can be put in the dryer, allowing drying time to be very quick. Examples" Sunbaby, Alva, Rumparooz, Bumgenius
All in One: AIO (all in one) diapers are just that. The outside is a waterproof layer, and the inside is made up of one or more absorbent materials. Essentially, this diaper is the pocket diaper without the pocket. This is incredibly easy to use, since there is no stuffing, etc and has a snap or velcro closure, but drying time is often 2+ days because the PUL cannot be put in the dryer more than a couple minutes. Examples: Bumgenius Freetime and Elemental,
All in Two: AI2 (all in two) diapers are a waterproof shell (or cover) with a snap in insert. These diapers are also very easy to use. They come apart for easy drying, and once the insert is dry it just snaps in to the diaper and is ready to go! Benefits are fast drying, and ease of use. However, these diapers are often lacking in absorbency in my experience. Example: Grovia
Inserts can be several different materials. Microfiber is super absorbent, but must be used in a pocket because it cannot go against the skin. Bamboo and Hemp are even more absorbent but do not soak as fast, so they are best used as doublers.
Diapers also come in One size (OS) or sized. OS will last from about 10-12lbs to about 35-40lbs. Sized will have a trimmer fit, but will need to be purchased as your baby grows.
So I bought some cloth diapers. Now what?!
You need to "prep" them. Prepping consists of 3-5 wash/dry cycles. This removes all the chemicals and oils from the fabric and allows it to be more absorbent. You will reach max absorbency around 8-10 washes. The very first time you wash anything with PUL (Pockets, PUL covers, AIO, and AI2s) put it in the dryer for 20 minutes on high heat. This seals the PUL around the stitching to prevent leaks. You may have to repeat this every month or two, but not more because it could delaminate the fabric.
You mean you WASH BABY POOP?!
Yep, that's right. Babies poop! I use a kitchen sprayer to spray all the undesirable goo into my toilet. I then rinse out my insert and put the dirty nappy in my wetbag (a waterproof and stink proof bag with a zipper) and wash every two days. My wash routine consists of a double cold rinse (to get all the pee and leftover poo residue out of the diapers) then a hot wash/cold rinse with cloth diaper safe detergent, and another cold rinse.
It seems like a heck of a lot of work, but I promise you it is the easiest laundry load for the day because you WILL love cloth diapers and will look forward to seeing them all clean! Inserts can go in the dryer, but anything with a layer of PUL must line dry.
The average family spends over $2,300 in diapers for one baby from birth to potty training. You can cloth diaper a baby for less than $500! This includes detergent, diapers, water and electricity to wash them, etc. That is, of course, assuming you don't get "addicted" to fluff! Even so, you will be hard pressed to find anyone who has even NEAR spent $2,000 on diapers!
I hope this gives you a good start as to what cloth diapering is all about, and don't hesitate to ask any question at all you may have! The internet is full of information, but it can be incredibly overwhelming! I'm an open book. There are also numerous cloth diaper support groups on Facebook and other networking sites.
Remember, the worst thing you can do is screw it up.. But at least you'll be saving money and putting healthy, chemical free diapers on your baby's bum!
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