The summer before my freshman year of high school, my parents met my "boyfriend" on our trip to Six Flags. He wasn't exactly their premium choice for their 13 year old daughter, or anyone for that matter, with his braided dreadlocks and tie dye "hippy shirt." Even then, we picked him up and they let me go wander around the park with him just the same as if he was their hopeful candidate for my future husband. I asked my mom that night what she thought of the boy I was so twitterpated by.. Her response? "He seems alright, if you like him then that's all that matters."
A few years later I asked her what the hell she was thinking letting me "date" him, and she informed me that she knew I would make the right decision in what was best for me, and that she and my dad didn't want to have to make those decisions for me. She wasn't exactly thrilled with my boyfriend, but after all, I was only 13 and she was right, I knew he wasn't for me and it didn't take me long to figure that out. Even now, seeing my brothers grow up (Michael will be 17 in a week, when the hell did that happen?!) I see my parents doing the same thing for them. I have often asked my parents why they let my brother hang out with the brats he does, but they know in the end he will make the best choices are for himself, and he has yet to fall into their behavior.
One thing I give my parents credit for is never treating me like I was insufficient because I was young. I was never made to feel stupid or told I was "just a kid." My parents respected me as a person, regardless of my age and never berated me for my actions or attitude (which I must admit had to have been very trying at times.) I see so many parents dictating every aspect of their child's life, making every decision for them, and treating them like they are insufficient human beings.
A big part of parenting involves preparing a child for their adult life. So many people look at parenting as trying to create the perfect child, but childhood years end quickly. Eventually it's time for the "grown up" world, where those children who have never had to make a decision, have been given infinite limits, and have never felt respect from even their parents are left obliviously stranded in the middle of a fast paced world that won't slow down to wait for them to pick up the skills and self esteem they are lacking.
There are so many parents I hear complain about their children, tell their children to shut up, and put down everything that child does. Maybe those few times I hear it won't make or break a child's future, but if those few times turn into multiple times over the course of 18+ years imagine how that child will function when they are required to be self sustaining.
You, as parents, are creating tiny humans, future adults. Are they superior to you? No, however they are not inferior either. Children are just small human beings that need guidance to learn to become larger human beings. Of course some decisions need to be made by parents. A four year old given his choice for dinner every night would eat Oreos and chicken nuggets daily, however what harm is going to be done if your four year old decides he wants to wear mismatched socks and his shirt backwards to preschool one day?
I guess the point to all my rambling is that your child becomes the adult that you teach them to be. Being a disrespectful parent, telling your child to shut up, yelling at them to the point of tears, and leaving welts on their behinds (or anywhere that happens to fall victim to your hand in the process,) will get you nothing but a disrespectful child. Making every last decision, covering every single responsibility, and leading your child hand in hand through every trial in their young life will get you nothing but a lost, dependent adult who cannot function alone.
I hope when Ayana grows up she can look back and tell me that I treated her with respect, even when she was doing something wrong, and that she appreciates the opportunities I intend to give her in making the right decisions for herself. I give my parents a lot of credit for creating independent, respectful adults and I hope with this attitude I can do the same.
