Two Very Different Births

The First

On Thanksgiving 2010, less than 2 months after suffering a miscarriage, I woke up and decided to take a pregnancy test. We were having dinner with friends, and intended to play a few (or more) rounds of beer pong that night and IF (big if) I was pregnant I didn't want to risk anything by drinking. 

Surprise! The test was positive! I handed Tyler the test and his response was nothing short of man-like: "Just don't worry about it!" Typical!

We chose to see a civilian doctor, due to the lack of trust I had in military doctors at the time after very crass and sloppy treatment during our recent loss. At the time, I had no doubts in my OB. He had great bedside manner, seemed very knowledgeable, and seemed to trust my judgment. However, when I told him I wanted to birth naturally he chuckled and said "We'll see." That should have been my first clue!

At my 40 week appointment, I was given a NST and an ultrasound to measure the baby. He estimated her size at approximately 9lbs, and recommended an induction as she was getting to be "too big," although there were no signs of distress and my body was clearly not ready for labor. I agreed, not knowing any better, and was given the choice between Thursday and Monday (he was going surfing on Friday- imagine that!) I scheduled an induction for July 28, 2011.

I arrived at the hospital and the OB checked if I had progressed at all. NOTHING. Not even a fingertip dilation, baby was free floating and far from engaged. I may as well have been 20 weeks pregnant! We started cervadil at 7:00am on July 28. After two rounds of cervadil and an incredibly uncomfortable 24 hours filled with contractions, I was exhausted but anxious for the doctor to come back and check me. 

Nothing. Not even a centimeter. My OB told me I was kind of soft, and that we would give pitocin a try, but it wasn't looking good. 

Throughout my entire labor, I was instructed to lay on my back with the monitors on me, an IV in my left arm, taped like a 2 year old did it, in an incredibly uncomfortable bed. I wasn't allowed to walk around, stand up, even change positions in the bed!

After about 12 hours on pitocin (it was now about 8pm Friday night,) I had finally reached 4cm dilated. The doctor advised that he break my water to encourage labor along. 

Holy Hell. I have never felt something so painful in my life. My pitocin was at an 8 (whatever that means) and after an hour my contractions hadn't gotten closer together or stronger, according to the monitor, so they upped my pitocin level and put in an internal monitor. At this point I was begging for an epidural. I was exhausted, I had given up. My OB quickly obliged- almost to the point that I resented him for it, like his goal was to get me to give in.

The anesthesiologist arrived, and after 45 minutes and 8 attempts to get the epidural into my spine (I still have scars from her attempts!) that had been compressed from sitting in a bed for a day and a half, it was in. I was finally able to sleep!

The doctor came in at 7:30am on July 30 (48 hours into my induction) to check me, and sure enough.. I was at 9.5cm! He told me he would be back shortly to set up. He and his nurses returned, and he checked to see that I was at 10cm.

Still 9.5cm.. It was 8am. He looked at me and told me he didn't think I was going to progress any further and that I had an hour to push past it and deliver her or he was going to prep for an emergency C-section. To this day, I still don't know why I was given that ultimatum, as her heart rate was stable and I was still contracting regularly.

I started pushing, and heard my doctor say on the next push he was going to cut me. I yelled "No!" and told him not to- I preferred to tear, just as I had told him in my previous appointments. Next I knew, he cut me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was ready to donkey stomp him right out of that L&D room.

Despite his doubts, after 45 minutes and 6 pushes I delivered a beautiful 8lb 9oz, 21.5" baby girl named Ayana! 

She had fluid in her lungs, so she was rushed away to the NICU after only seeing her for a brief minute. We didn't get to see her again until dinner time! Knowing I planned to EBF, I was astonished they would let her go without eating so long.. until I learned they had just given her formula instead. 

I was FURIOUS and at this point they had completely broken my trust in doctors and the hospital.

Fast Forward...

August 8, 2012- I woke up and thought "I think I might be pregnant." No reason at all, I just thought it would be a good idea to take a test. I was still breastfeeding and hadn't gotten my cycle back, so what were the chances?!

Yep, it was positive. We conceived our second baby just a week before Ayana's 1st birthday! Knowing that we Ayana and I would be moving back to Wisconsin in anticipation of Tyler's release from the military, there was nothing less than a mix of emotions. Tyler was half asleep, I walked in the bedroom and told him I thought I was pregnant.. and his response? 

"Shit happens when you party naked!"

Apparently he wasn't in freak out mode like I was! 

Once we returned to Wisconsin, I began seeing an OB at our local hospital. I made it clear what I wanted for this birth. I wanted to be able to labor my way, and to be trusted as a patient. I didn't want all the modern day interventions and IV's and pain meds and induction...Oh induction- that word haunted me from the day I peed on that little stick! I loved my OB, we connected on a great level from my first appointment.

I decided I wanted a doula. I met with a local doula, who informed me she nor any other doula in the area that she knew would deliver at the hospital my doctor serviced. After doing some research, I found that my doctor only had a 1 in 8 shot of being there to deliver, and that was NOT okay with me as I knew the other doctors in the practice we not very "natural friendly."

I began exploring my other options and came across a midwife program run by a hospital about an hour from home. Around the same time, I contacted my doula Kamala. This combination seemed perfect. My midwife welcomed me with a hug, literally! At my first appointment, I laid everything out just as I wanted things to go. She had no opposition, only excitement for me as I was finally going to have the birth I wanted. My doula did a great job in encouraging me to explore my wants and during labor and delivery for my perfect birth. She really gave me the push to be confident in my body and to know that I CAN do this!

My due date of April 14 had come and gone. I was having a few contractions here and there but nothing painful. I had my 41 week appointment on April 19, and my midwife Jackie checked me- 4cm! My body DID work afterall! She stripped my membranes and said she would see me tomorrow- Low and behold she was right!

Saturday April 20 was just like the last week had been. Irregular contractions, nothing major so Tyler and I ran around town, signing our lease, going to the church garage sale, shopping, you name it! By the afternoon my contractions were getting stronger, but were still approximately 8 minutes apart. We headed home, where my contractions suddenly went from 8 minutes to about 4-5 minutes and incredibly painful. I called Jackie, and she told me to head her way since we had an hour drive ahead of us. We called my mom to come watch Ayana and headed on our way. I was so consumed by what was happening that Tyler was the one that remembered to call Kamala on the way there!

We made it to the hospital and my contractions were a fast two minutes apart, lasting almost a minute each! Jackie checked my progress, I was already 8cm dilated! That took me almost 2 days to reach last time! I got in the whirlpool to help manage my contractions a little bit and an hour later I felt a lot of pressure below so I got out again to have Jackie check my progress- still 8cm but baby's head was finally fully engaged! My back labor was intense and as I labored on the birthing stool I decided to let Jackie break my water. I instantly made it to 10cm!

I pushed for about 20 minutes, and at 8:00pm on April 20, 2013, only 2 hours and 12 minutes after being admitted to the hospital, I gave birth to our second little girl, Zuri, at 9lbs 11oz and 22 inches long!  No cutting, no induction meds, no pain meds, not even a heplock in my arm! 

With the encouragement of my doula, my wonderful husband, and my midwife I was able to finally feel satisfied, even thrilled, with my completely natural birth! Zuri was taken away for two hours due to some meconium that she had inhaled, but afterward she was brought to the room and her first meal came from the best source- the breast <3

The difference in birth and recovery was incredible. I am completely thankful for my conversation with the first doula I interviewed- I fear that I would have had a repeat of my first birth, laying in a hospital bed for hours with cords and IVs strung around the room. I strongly encourage everyone to explore their birthing options- it could be the difference between a miserable 49 hour labor in a bed, or a 2 and a half hour labor surrounded by encouragement and comfort!

And it's true- you really do forget all the pain when you hold your little one in your arms. I would do it all over again!

What Really Matters.

Recently I read a blog titled "How to Miss a Childhood" (http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/) and it really hit home. I am a stay at home mom, and with very few local friends I rely on the internet to communicate with family and friends from across the country. All day long, I share posts, advice, and pictures with other moms, many of whom I have never met! I read blogs and articles about how to be the best parent I can be and trying to stay informed on the most up to date ways to keep my daughter healthy and happy.

What I never realized, until reading that blog, is the best way to keep my daughter healthy and happy is to be there. Of course I pay her oodles of attention, I am with her every hour of the day (minus the 15 or so hours I work per week) but it's the little moments that matter and I never realized how much I could be missing out. Even just a few seconds is enough to miss the little pitter patter of feet walking across the room for the first time or the dance moves your little one is trying to show you before their attention span runs out and they move on to something new.

It's not a matter of neglect or a lack of caring, it's a classic case of the modern day distraction. I know I'm not the only one, and I am certain that a large portion of stay at home moms (and even working parents) can honestly relate to this, whether they admit it or not. I'm not afraid to admit it because I want to open others' eyes to something that I am thankful to now realize.

 You could be missing out...

....when your child is yelling your name and you are annoyed because you are finishing up the last two words of a text

...when your daughter is grabbing at the computer screen and you let out a sigh because you are trying to read the news

...when your son is laughing and pointing at the television, trying to show you how funny his show is and you can't pull yourself away from your game long enough to look up and laugh

...when your baby laughs but you're in the middle of a chat on Facebook and you miss out on that toothless grin

...when you hear your little one wake up from a nap, but you wait to get her until you are finished checking your emails (by which time her post-nap smiles are gone and she is wondering where the heck you are)

... when you throw a few extra bites of food in front of your toddler because your show is almost over and you don't want him screaming while you're trying to hear the television

...when you're taking picture after picture, not because you are enjoying the time with your little one, but because you want the perfect shot to share with your Facebook friends

It is those extra little moments that we miss out on because our world revolves so much around technology. Even with the best intentions- researching parenting techniques and bragging about their latest milestones- you could be missing out on the most important things: their smiles, laughs, and their appreciation for the best part of their day- You!

You don't have to admit to anyone that you can relate to this, but if you have read this far chances are you can. I challenge you from this day forward to give those moments back to the littles, because in 10 years you'll wish you could have those moments back.

Small Human Beings

The summer before my freshman year of high school, my parents met my "boyfriend" on our trip to Six Flags. He wasn't exactly their premium choice for their 13 year old daughter, or anyone for that matter, with his braided dreadlocks and tie dye "hippy shirt." Even then, we picked him up and they let me go wander around the park with him just the same as if he was their hopeful candidate for my future husband. I asked my mom that night what she thought of the boy I was so twitterpated by.. Her response? "He seems alright, if you like him then that's all that matters."

A few years later I asked her what the hell she was thinking letting me "date" him, and she informed me that she knew I would make the right decision in what was best for me, and that she and my dad didn't want to have to make those decisions for me. She wasn't exactly thrilled with my boyfriend, but after all, I was only 13 and she was right, I knew he wasn't for me and it didn't take me long to figure that out. Even now, seeing my brothers grow up (Michael will be 17 in a week, when the hell did that happen?!) I see my parents doing the same thing for them. I have often asked my parents why they let my brother hang out with the brats he does, but they know in the end he will make the best choices are for himself, and he has yet to fall into their behavior.

 One thing I give my parents credit for is never treating me like I was insufficient because I was young. I was never made to feel stupid or told I was "just a kid." My parents respected me as a person, regardless of my age and never berated me for my actions or attitude (which I must admit had to have been very trying at times.) I see so many parents dictating every aspect of their child's life, making every decision for them, and treating them like they are insufficient human beings.

A big part of parenting involves preparing a child for their adult life. So many people look at parenting as trying to create the perfect child, but childhood years end quickly. Eventually it's time for the "grown up" world, where those children who have never had to make a decision, have been given infinite limits, and have never felt respect from even their parents are left obliviously stranded in the middle of a fast paced world that won't slow down to wait for them to pick up the skills and self esteem they are lacking.

There are so many parents I hear complain about their children, tell their children to shut up, and put down everything that child does. Maybe those few times I hear it won't make or break a child's future, but if those few times turn into multiple times over the course of 18+ years imagine how that child will function when they are required to be self sustaining.

You, as parents, are creating tiny humans, future adults. Are they superior to you? No, however they are not inferior either. Children are just small human beings that need guidance to learn to become larger human beings. Of course some decisions need to be made by parents. A four year old given his choice for dinner every night would eat Oreos and chicken nuggets daily, however what harm is going to be done if your four year old decides he wants to wear mismatched socks and his shirt backwards to preschool one day?

I guess the point to all my rambling is that your child becomes the adult that you teach them to be. Being a disrespectful parent, telling your child to shut up, yelling at them to the point of tears, and leaving welts on their behinds (or anywhere that happens to fall victim to your hand in the process,) will get you nothing but a disrespectful child. Making every last decision, covering every single responsibility, and leading your child hand in hand through every trial in their young life will get you nothing but a lost, dependent adult who cannot function alone.

I hope when Ayana grows up she can look back and tell me that I treated her with respect, even when she was doing something wrong, and that she appreciates the opportunities I intend to give her in making the right decisions for herself. I give my parents a lot of credit for creating independent, respectful adults and I hope with this attitude I can do the same.

Fluffy Butts- My Cloth Diaper Insight

Many of you know I am not one to shove my parenting onto anyone (or at least I try not to,) so please don't take this post as a "You use DISPOSABLE diapers?!? Blasphemy!!" type of post! I have had a few people ask me about cloth diapers so I would like this to be a resource. There is SO much information it can be incredibly overwhelming, so here is a good start.

Why are there so many kinds?!?

There are six "types" of cloth diapers. Yes, that seems like a lot but you won't need all 6 (unless you become real hard core and have octuplets or something.)

Prefolds: Prefolds (and flats) are the "old fashioned" cloth diapers, the ones your grandma will think you're talking about when you mention your diapers to her! These are flat pieces of layed fabric that you fold around your baby's bum and close with a pin (or the more modern "Snappi") These need a waterproof cover to keep your baby bum dry! Examples: Econobum prefolds

Fitteds: Fitteds are essentially a modern day prefold. They look just like a disposable diaper, but can come in several different prints, colors, materials, etc and most have a snap closure. These are also not waterproof and require a cover. Example: Kissas Fitteds, Sbish, Goodmama

Covers: This is a waterproof outer layer required to keep prefolds and fitteds from soaking your baby's bum. There are 3 kinds of covers (yea, I know, I know...) The "easiest" is the PUL cover. This is a waterproof polyurethane laminate fabric that has either a velcro or snap closure. It can be reused as long as the inside wipes clean between changes. Fleece covers are shorts, pants, etc that are made of fleece which is a natural wicking material and can be worn as a waterproof layer over a fitted or prefold. Wool can also be used as a cover. Longies= wool pants, shorties= wool shorts, etc. You "lanolize" or waterproof the wool bottoms and wear them over the diaper for a leak proof seal, and this can also be reused between changes. Ex: Thirsties, Crankypants, LlamaJamas


Pockets: Pocket diapers are the same shape as a disposable diaper. The outer layer is PUL, often with a cute pattern or bright color. The inside has a pocket made of fleece, suedecloth, flannel, or other wicking material and has an opening at one or both ends. This opening is the "pocket." This allows for the insert, the absorbent part, to slide inside. The benefits of pocket diapers is ease of use and drying time. Once the diaper is stuffed, all you need to do is put it in like a disposable diaper with snaps or velcro. It comes apart so the insert can be put in the dryer, allowing drying time to be very quick. Examples" Sunbaby, Alva, Rumparooz, Bumgenius

All in One: AIO (all in one) diapers are just that. The outside is a waterproof layer, and the inside is made up of one or more absorbent materials. Essentially, this diaper is the pocket diaper without the pocket. This is incredibly easy to use, since there is no stuffing, etc and has a snap or velcro closure, but drying time is often 2+ days because the PUL cannot be put in the dryer more than a couple minutes. Examples: Bumgenius Freetime and Elemental,

All in Two: AI2 (all in two) diapers are a waterproof shell (or cover) with a snap in insert. These diapers are also very easy to use. They come apart for easy drying, and once the insert is dry it just snaps in to the diaper and is ready to go! Benefits are fast drying, and ease of use. However, these diapers are often lacking in absorbency in my experience. Example: Grovia

Inserts can be several different materials. Microfiber is super absorbent, but must be used in a pocket because it cannot go against the skin. Bamboo and Hemp are even more absorbent but do not soak as fast, so they are best used as doublers.

Diapers also come in One size (OS) or sized. OS will last from about 10-12lbs to about 35-40lbs. Sized will have a trimmer fit, but will need to be purchased as your baby grows.

So I bought some cloth diapers. Now what?!

You need to "prep" them. Prepping consists of 3-5 wash/dry cycles. This removes all the chemicals and oils from the fabric and allows it to be more absorbent. You will reach max absorbency around 8-10 washes. The very first time you wash anything with PUL (Pockets, PUL covers, AIO, and AI2s) put it in the dryer for 20 minutes on high heat. This seals the PUL around the stitching to prevent leaks. You may have to repeat this every month or two, but not more because it could delaminate the fabric.

You mean you WASH BABY POOP?!

Yep, that's right. Babies poop! I use a kitchen sprayer to spray all the undesirable goo into my toilet. I then rinse out my insert and put the dirty nappy in my wetbag (a waterproof and stink proof bag with a zipper) and wash every two days. My wash routine consists of a double cold rinse (to get all the pee and leftover poo residue out of the diapers) then a hot wash/cold rinse with cloth diaper safe detergent, and another cold rinse.

It seems like a heck of a lot of work, but I promise you it is the easiest laundry load for the day because you WILL love cloth diapers and will look forward to seeing them all clean! Inserts can go in the dryer, but anything with a layer of PUL must line dry.

The average family spends over $2,300 in diapers for one baby from birth to potty training. You can cloth diaper a baby for less than $500! This includes detergent, diapers, water and electricity to wash them, etc. That is, of course, assuming you don't get "addicted" to fluff! Even so, you will be hard pressed to find anyone who has even NEAR spent $2,000 on diapers!

I hope this gives you a good start as to what cloth diapering is all about, and don't hesitate to ask any question at all you may have! The internet is full of information, but it can be incredibly overwhelming! I'm an open book. There are also numerous cloth diaper support groups on Facebook and other networking sites.

Remember, the worst thing you can do is screw it up.. But at least you'll be saving money and putting healthy, chemical free diapers on your baby's bum!

What Christmas Should Be..

Wowzers. Christmas is in 5 days! I don't have shopping done, packages aren't sent out, I don't have my menu planned or my house clean, my tree isn't finished, my house isn't decorated, I can't find my carving knife.... Ah! I'm not ready!!

Who the hell cares?!?

I hate what Christmas has turned into. Growing up I was one of those kids who, if I didn't have a truck full of toys by 1100 on Christmas morning, was utterly ticked off and disappointed. Looking back, I'm sure I was a little pain in the you know what. However, regardless of how ridiculous or petty those gifts were, I never looked at my grandma, or my mom, or my friend and scowled and thought it wasn't good enough. Sure, the giant stuffed animals and 60 porcelain dolls my grandma gave me EVERY year got a little routine, but I can't say I wasn't thankful for them.

In fact, those 60 porcelain dolls I have are some of the most difficult things for me to part with right now. Do I love porcelain dolls? Not really, however my grandma gave them and they are part of the memories connected to the 19 years of my life my grandma was here. It isn't the gifts I love, it's the thoughts of our entire family sitting around, intact, eating too much, watching Christmas movies or the football game, and just enjoying each other's company.

THOSE are the things that Christmas should be about. I don't remember more than a few presents I received as a child, but I do remember my grandma tickling my feet when I sat next to her on the couch and sitting at the kids table with my cousin and brothers and watching Dylan out eat half the adults sitting at the "Big People" table.

Of course, every parent wants their child to have some gifts under the tree and a large Christmas dinner spread for their family, but no one's life is going to end if a child doesn't receive 15 gifts on Christmas morning. I have seen a huge number of posts on Facebook and other sites this year of people begging for donations from people or families that want to have the "perfect" Christmas but can't afford to buy their children everything they've ever dreamed of.  People saying they don't even want to do Christmas because they can only afford "a few gifts" for everyone, or acting so ungrateful for help offered to them through programs like Sears Heroes at Home by saying "What good is $50?!" make me sick.

Sorry to be so blunt, but get over it. Be happy you have a home, and food on the table. Be happy that you aren't sitting at a shelter wishing someone would get you a good pair of shoes and a jacket without holes in it for Christmas. Be thankful your husband isn't deployed this year, or you get to visit home for the holidays. Stop taking for granted the small things, and get the kids something they will appreciate, or maybe something they can learn from.

If you are so materialistic that being able to provide hundreds of dollars of gifts for your children on Christmas is more important than the memories you could make as a family celebrating a simple holiday, you have your priorities pretty messed up. On the other hand, if your child is so spoiled that they will be unsatisfied and ungrateful because they "only" got a few things for Christmas, there are many lessons you should be teaching your child as opposed to spending your time stalking the toy department.

A three year old won't remember this year, next year, or even the following year, that they didn't get everything on their Christmas list but I guarantee they will know if you were an ungrateful Scrooge because you weren't satisfied with the things that you DO have and COULD provide for them.

Do us all a favor, quit with the entitled attitude and don't mess up Christmas for those of us who appreciate the little things.

An Angel Baby and a Rainbow Baby

You see two pink lines, and it hasn't really hit you. You're pregnant, there is a little tiny embryo, or maybe a fetus, thriving inside of you. You look down at your unchanged abdomen, and it hasn't really hit you that you're going to be a mother. You're thrilled, overjoyed, and overwhelmed all at the same time. Weeks go by and it starts to sink in, you start glancing at baby clothes and surfing the web late at night for only the best things for your little baby.

The thought crosses your mind a few faint times that something could go wrong, but it could never happen to you. You're pregnant, and you're going to be a mommy! That's what I thought too, and then something did go wrong. At 10 weeks pregnant, I found out I was never going to meet my little baby. In fact, I was carrying a blighted ovum and there was no real baby at all.

In my mind, my world had collapsed. For 6 weeks I had been overjoyed with the idea of becoming a mother, that there was a living baby with a beating heart within me. I told everyone. I window shopped (and even bought a few things!) only to find out there would be no baby in just a few short months to wear those clothes, or to sit in that stroller. There is nothing worse than losing a child. Even if you have never held that child in your arms, you love him or her and the rush of emotions, pain and guilt, is unmatched. I knew there was nothing I had done wrong, and there was nothing anyone could have done to change things but I was devastated just the same.

A few weeks passed, and I had moved on from the emotional mess I had become and realized there was another chance. On Thanksgiving 2010, only 7 weeks after our angel baby left us, we discovered I was pregnant with our rainbow baby.

I have never been so thankful for anything in my entire life. Ayana is four months old now, and there is not a day that has passed that I have not done my best to be a great mother and provide everything she needs. Becoming a mother is the most accomplished thing I have done in the last 22 years. 

That's right, I'm 22 years old. I'm what some would consider a "young mother." Young mother? Maybe. Great mother? I would like to think so.  Age has no bearing on the greatness of a parent. I am the wife of a soldier, I have lived in 3 different states in the last three years, I have lost a baby and had a baby, and I have lived and learned through it all and there is no reason I am less qualified to be an outstanding mother based on how old I am.

 I love and appreciate my daughter, and there is nothing in this world I would not do to give her everything she needs to thrive. If there is any doubt in anyone's mind that I am not cut out for this because I am "only" 22, then you have failed to become an adult yourself and look past the meaning of a number and to the fact that I am not a drug addict or homeless, neglectful or hurtful, uneducated or ignorant. I am an adult, a wife, and a mother, and there is nothing in this world I believe I am more fit to be.

Losing our first pregnancy has taught me to appreciate what I have. There are no guarantees. It taught me love, for without the love I had for that tiny being and the love I felt from Tyler and the friends and family that supported me I would never have grown from the loss. I have an angel baby, and I have a rainbow baby, and I am a great mother because of them both.  

A Little on the Crunchy Side

Being a stay at home mom has opened up a million doors that I never knew existed. Between the information super highway known as the world wide web, and a wonderfully addictive social networking site referred to by my grandpa as that "Face thing" I have learned so much about alternative parenting methods, and ways outside the "normal" ways to care for a child.

Thus, I am on the verge of becoming a "Crunchy" mom.

I can imagine the things going through your head right now. Yes, I wash my underwear and I practice normal, every day hygiene, I cook my food and chew with my mouth closed, and I pick up the potato chips off the floor when my husband spills them. I'm not literally crunchy.

Being a crunchy mom involves things like babywearing, cloth diapering, breast feeding, delay-vaccinate (Or not vaccinate at all) delaying solids, cosleeping and bedsharing, using teething necklaces, natural remedies, and essential oils and other things some people call "weird." I'll admit, I'm not fully crunchified- but I'm a bit crispy!

Cloth diapering is incredibly easy. At one point my neighbor (who turned out to be one of my best friends, I may add!) came over and was raving about some video showing a lady spraying baby poop in the toilet. Yippee. I thought she was nuts! It seemed dirty, and like waaaay too much work for me!

Four months later, I have over 35 cloth diapers... and cloth wipes... and baby leggings to match them!

I also breastfeed, and plan to for quite a while, however we do supplement with formula and Ayana has recently started eating cereal. We babywear to an extent, although Ayana likes to move (and has since she was inside me popping ribs out of place!) and would often rather be in a stroller or rolling around on the floor exploring on her own.

We also bedshare a lot of the time, which I know many people frown upon. It works for us, we have a large bed, I am a light sleeper and we take precautions against the known dangers of bedsharing. It can be safe if you know your stuff. No "extras!" If you aren't willing to give up your stuffed animal that I *know* you still sleep with, or those 12 pillows that are propped up around you, don't do it! If you could sleep through an invasion sponsored by Monsters, Inc. bedsharing is not a safe option for you! However, if you do your research and feel comfortable with the idea, go for it! It has created an incredible bond between Ayana and I, and ever Tyler admits he likes her in the bed with us!

Now, when it comes to the medical side of things.. that's where the "not fully" part of "not fully crunchified" comes in. We do vaccinate, not all the way, but there is a reason why Polio and Measles outbreaks are in the past (or were until people stopped vaccinating...) I, nor Ayana, receive the flu vaccine. I believe the body has a natural immune system, which can only be built up by using it. There are certain things Tyler and I feel the body needs to develop a natural immunity to, like the flu and chicken pox.

Natural remedies are great. I, for one, don't like taking a million medications to make me feel better if I don't have to, and I don't like the idea of pumping my 14lb daughter full of medication if there is another way.

Hence, amber teething necklaces! I am a bit skeptical (but don't tell the husband!) but I am willing to give it a shot! Baltic amber resin has been said to release a natural analgesic, helping babies to cope with the discomfort of teething, and if a simple thing as a necklace (that, yes grandma, is safe for her to wear under my supervision of course!) can keep Ayana Tylenol (and fuss) free I am willing to give it a shot!

I'm not so crunchy that I collect used sink water to flush my toilet or have an indoor compost pile stewing in my kitchen, but I enjoy exploring into a new realm of parenting I was never introduced to before. That being said, I refuse to be that "natural minded mom" that shoves her beliefs down every new mother's throat. If you want to use formula and disposable diapers, baby's own bed and a flu vaccine then more power to you!

Everyone parents in their own way. This is my way, I love it.. And heck, the worst I could do is screw it up!