On Thanksgiving 2010, less than 2 months after suffering a miscarriage, I woke up and decided to take a pregnancy test. We were having dinner with friends, and intended to play a few (or more) rounds of beer pong that night and IF (big if) I was pregnant I didn't want to risk anything by drinking.
Surprise! The test was positive! I handed Tyler the test and his response was nothing short of man-like: "Just don't worry about it!" Typical!
We chose to see a civilian doctor, due to the lack of trust I had in military doctors at the time after very crass and sloppy treatment during our recent loss. At the time, I had no doubts in my OB. He had great bedside manner, seemed very knowledgeable, and seemed to trust my judgment. However, when I told him I wanted to birth naturally he chuckled and said "We'll see." That should have been my first clue!
At my 40 week appointment, I was given a NST and an ultrasound to measure the baby. He estimated her size at approximately 9lbs, and recommended an induction as she was getting to be "too big," although there were no signs of distress and my body was clearly not ready for labor. I agreed, not knowing any better, and was given the choice between Thursday and Monday (he was going surfing on Friday- imagine that!) I scheduled an induction for July 28, 2011.
I arrived at the hospital and the OB checked if I had progressed at all. NOTHING. Not even a fingertip dilation, baby was free floating and far from engaged. I may as well have been 20 weeks pregnant! We started cervadil at 7:00am on July 28. After two rounds of cervadil and an incredibly uncomfortable 24 hours filled with contractions, I was exhausted but anxious for the doctor to come back and check me.
Nothing. Not even a centimeter. My OB told me I was kind of soft, and that we would give pitocin a try, but it wasn't looking good.
Throughout my entire labor, I was instructed to lay on my back with the monitors on me, an IV in my left arm, taped like a 2 year old did it, in an incredibly uncomfortable bed. I wasn't allowed to walk around, stand up, even change positions in the bed!
After about 12 hours on pitocin (it was now about 8pm Friday night,) I had finally reached 4cm dilated. The doctor advised that he break my water to encourage labor along.
Holy Hell. I have never felt something so painful in my life. My pitocin was at an 8 (whatever that means) and after an hour my contractions hadn't gotten closer together or stronger, according to the monitor, so they upped my pitocin level and put in an internal monitor. At this point I was begging for an epidural. I was exhausted, I had given up. My OB quickly obliged- almost to the point that I resented him for it, like his goal was to get me to give in.
The anesthesiologist arrived, and after 45 minutes and 8 attempts to get the epidural into my spine (I still have scars from her attempts!) that had been compressed from sitting in a bed for a day and a half, it was in. I was finally able to sleep!
The doctor came in at 7:30am on July 30 (48 hours into my induction) to check me, and sure enough.. I was at 9.5cm! He told me he would be back shortly to set up. He and his nurses returned, and he checked to see that I was at 10cm.
Still 9.5cm.. It was 8am. He looked at me and told me he didn't think I was going to progress any further and that I had an hour to push past it and deliver her or he was going to prep for an emergency C-section. To this day, I still don't know why I was given that ultimatum, as her heart rate was stable and I was still contracting regularly.
I started pushing, and heard my doctor say on the next push he was going to cut me. I yelled "No!" and told him not to- I preferred to tear, just as I had told him in my previous appointments. Next I knew, he cut me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was ready to donkey stomp him right out of that L&D room.
Despite his doubts, after 45 minutes and 6 pushes I delivered a beautiful 8lb 9oz, 21.5" baby girl named Ayana!
She had fluid in her lungs, so she was rushed away to the NICU after only seeing her for a brief minute. We didn't get to see her again until dinner time! Knowing I planned to EBF, I was astonished they would let her go without eating so long.. until I learned they had just given her formula instead.
I was FURIOUS and at this point they had completely broken my trust in doctors and the hospital.
Fast Forward...
August 8, 2012- I woke up and thought "I think I might be pregnant." No reason at all, I just thought it would be a good idea to take a test. I was still breastfeeding and hadn't gotten my cycle back, so what were the chances?!
Yep, it was positive. We conceived our second baby just a week before Ayana's 1st birthday! Knowing that we Ayana and I would be moving back to Wisconsin in anticipation of Tyler's release from the military, there was nothing less than a mix of emotions. Tyler was half asleep, I walked in the bedroom and told him I thought I was pregnant.. and his response?
"Shit happens when you party naked!"
Apparently he wasn't in freak out mode like I was!
Once we returned to Wisconsin, I began seeing an OB at our local hospital. I made it clear what I wanted for this birth. I wanted to be able to labor my way, and to be trusted as a patient. I didn't want all the modern day interventions and IV's and pain meds and induction...Oh induction- that word haunted me from the day I peed on that little stick! I loved my OB, we connected on a great level from my first appointment.
I decided I wanted a doula. I met with a local doula, who informed me she nor any other doula in the area that she knew would deliver at the hospital my doctor serviced. After doing some research, I found that my doctor only had a 1 in 8 shot of being there to deliver, and that was NOT okay with me as I knew the other doctors in the practice we not very "natural friendly."
I began exploring my other options and came across a midwife program run by a hospital about an hour from home. Around the same time, I contacted my doula Kamala. This combination seemed perfect. My midwife welcomed me with a hug, literally! At my first appointment, I laid everything out just as I wanted things to go. She had no opposition, only excitement for me as I was finally going to have the birth I wanted. My doula did a great job in encouraging me to explore my wants and during labor and delivery for my perfect birth. She really gave me the push to be confident in my body and to know that I CAN do this!
My due date of April 14 had come and gone. I was having a few contractions here and there but nothing painful. I had my 41 week appointment on April 19, and my midwife Jackie checked me- 4cm! My body DID work afterall! She stripped my membranes and said she would see me tomorrow- Low and behold she was right!
Saturday April 20 was just like the last week had been. Irregular contractions, nothing major so Tyler and I ran around town, signing our lease, going to the church garage sale, shopping, you name it! By the afternoon my contractions were getting stronger, but were still approximately 8 minutes apart. We headed home, where my contractions suddenly went from 8 minutes to about 4-5 minutes and incredibly painful. I called Jackie, and she told me to head her way since we had an hour drive ahead of us. We called my mom to come watch Ayana and headed on our way. I was so consumed by what was happening that Tyler was the one that remembered to call Kamala on the way there!
We made it to the hospital and my contractions were a fast two minutes apart, lasting almost a minute each! Jackie checked my progress, I was already 8cm dilated! That took me almost 2 days to reach last time! I got in the whirlpool to help manage my contractions a little bit and an hour later I felt a lot of pressure below so I got out again to have Jackie check my progress- still 8cm but baby's head was finally fully engaged! My back labor was intense and as I labored on the birthing stool I decided to let Jackie break my water. I instantly made it to 10cm!
I pushed for about 20 minutes, and at 8:00pm on April 20, 2013, only 2 hours and 12 minutes after being admitted to the hospital, I gave birth to our second little girl, Zuri, at 9lbs 11oz and 22 inches long! No cutting, no induction meds, no pain meds, not even a heplock in my arm!
With the encouragement of my doula, my wonderful husband, and my midwife I was able to finally feel satisfied, even thrilled, with my completely natural birth! Zuri was taken away for two hours due to some meconium that she had inhaled, but afterward she was brought to the room and her first meal came from the best source- the breast <3
The difference in birth and recovery was incredible. I am completely thankful for my conversation with the first doula I interviewed- I fear that I would have had a repeat of my first birth, laying in a hospital bed for hours with cords and IVs strung around the room. I strongly encourage everyone to explore their birthing options- it could be the difference between a miserable 49 hour labor in a bed, or a 2 and a half hour labor surrounded by encouragement and comfort!
And it's true- you really do forget all the pain when you hold your little one in your arms. I would do it all over again!
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